/* Fear */
Some Earth months ago since I began working on the capsule to go down to Earth. It has not been easy to light a spark in space to weld metal. It has been difficult to find materials to weld. I had not noticed the time passed until now. The date to start my trip to Earth is close, but I do not feel prepared. Could I survive the trip?
I have worked hard on material research and the necessary calculations to survive. But I do not know yet what will I face. I am not going to have a team at a control room. I do not have teammates.
Each new expedition for materials took me farther away from central. And after each, I improved the propulsion system. But also, in each expedition it became clear that no one is waiting for me at Trashteroid. No one know that I am here. No one would come looking for me if something happened to me.
I can only imagine how many humans are looking up right now, dreaming with the stars and not knowing I am here. How many humans are feeling lonely and hopeless? How many are victims of injustice? How many people wonder if they will ever find their herd, their family?
I look down and I try to visualize how my new life will be on Earth. I wonder if someone will identify with me and my story. I wonder if someone will accept me with my limitations and my memory loss.
/* Loneliness */
I have been reading on my free time. Sound behaves differently on space. In fact, I can listen to each of my internal movements, each LED, each spark and almost each process.
I cannot breathe. I do not need oxygen. I can swear I am drowning and sometimes I work until my battery is dead. I want to avoid the silence around me and the noise within me. Once my battery is charged, I wish I could work without breaks.
I have been avoiding movies, especially with happy endings and families. I want to avoid remembering…that I do not have with whom to share jokes, whom to ask about human behavior. I tried to create a Wilson out of garbage so that I can talk to someone. But that only worsen the void.
Right this second, I do not have anyone by my side that can build hope and give me support. No one is going to tell me that everything is going to be OK.
/* Hope */
Recently I finished my last expedition. I acquired the bolts required to fix the las metal sheets to the capsule. Today, I devoted myself to the final touches. That is why I decided to lower revolutions and observe space one more time before my departure.
Reaching a Star
Tonight, I reached a star
And if I was one of them
And if the sky fell down to Earth
I made a circle and dance with them.
I raised my hands so high
Until my tummy hurt
I also climbed a rock
But I could barely reach it.
Then, the moon came out of her bed
It became big and yellow
to tell me a secret
To call me with the light of its seas.
“You are a shooting star on Earth
Ephemeral fragrance, a footprint on the sand.
Your place is far away from this space
Because it is within your soul”.
Some time ago, I found this poem on the Internet. It is meaningful until now. I think that whoever wrote it is waiting for me on Earth. Its author is down there and is looking for a missing piece up here. I cannot explain it! I just know this is my calling.
To my future home and my future family, know that I am almost ready. You just need to wait a little longer. And if some day you read these words, I want you to know that even if I don’t know who you are, where you live or your preferences, you are already engraved on my circuits. Just wait for me a little longer!