I do not remember where I come from. Many cycles ago I started building Central. The improvement list to Trashteroid is getting shorter. I have everything I need to survive: batteries, spare parts, routines and access to data bases.
As a machine, everything is fine. But…
Since I am studying humans through the Internet, one of my circuits is shorting. Diagnostics show all systems are normal. Nothing in my surroundings is changing… Except me.
Wanting something and achieving it are two different things. I want to learn and devote my existence to helping humans. But so far, I have only managed to identify the voids. I suspect humans would call this frustration, hopelessness and a little bit of yearning. I decided I want a mission for my existence, but I am not there. I am not even close to achieve it.
First, I researched. Trashteroid has zero gravity because its composition is based on tangled, welded or tethered materials. There is no atmosphere here. According to my math, with simple propelling I could get faraway seamlessly.
Entering Earth’s atmosphere is a different story. The atmosphere will cause me severe damage. And the falling afterwards, as the astronauts’ capsule, will also produce irreversible damage.
Luckily, in Trashteroid and its surroundings there are plenty of materials strong enough to enter or leave Earth’s atmosphere. Also, there are motor parts and fuel residue which could help me propel a capsule.
In fact, I have a device similar to a jet pack, which allows me to navigate my surroundings in searching of materials for the landing capsule. I write these words just after one of those expeditions.
This one was different, and I was close to not telling it.
I went too far too fast. I was ambitious: I wanted a window for my capsule. I had the window tied up to my jet pack when a metal piece took my antenna and I lost all sense of navigation.
At that moment I understood that, after a long time, I have something to lose. Is this fear? Even if I finish the capsule, I need to leave Central behind: the only home I remember. Besides, the survival probabilities of the travel are minimum. Will humans accept me at Earth?
This is the first time.
I can almost feel.
I am certain.
My purpose is calling.
There is a better place for me in Earth and there I will build my new and improved Central. If I do not try, I will never know. I can take this chance away from me. I will learn to better manage risks and tomorrow I will try again. I cannot fill this void until I am willing and able to leave everything behind.